I Am the Lord: Reminding Myself of Where I Have Been...and Where I Am Going!

[Exo 6:1-9 KJV] 1 Then the LORD said unto Moses, Now shalt thou see what I will do to Pharaoh: for with a strong hand shall he let them go, and with a strong hand shall he drive them out of his land. 2 And God spake unto Moses, and said unto him, I [am] the LORD: 3 And I appeared unto Abraham, unto Isaac, and unto Jacob, by [the name of] God Almighty, but by my name JEHOVAH was I not known to them. 4 And I have also established my covenant with them, to give them the land of Canaan, the land of their pilgrimage, wherein they were strangers. 5 And I have also heard the groaning of the children of Israel, whom the Egyptians keep in bondage; and I have remembered my covenant. 6 Wherefore say unto the children of Israel, I [am] the LORD, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will rid you out of their bondage, and I will redeem you with a stretched out arm, and with great judgments: 7 And I will take you to me for a people, and I will be to you a God: and ye shall know that I [am] the LORD your God, which bringeth you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. 8 And I will bring you in unto the land, concerning the which I did swear to give it to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob; and I will give it you for an heritage: I [am] the LORD.

Today’s (November 2, 2014) sermon revolved around these verses. As I sat and listened to Bret preach, I thought of these verses with my own story mixed in. This is what it looked like:

“Now I will show you what I have done for you. I am the LORD: I told you in your tender years that you would serve Me. Throughout your life I have protected you, and kept you for myself, but you did not know it was My plan that I had laid out for you.

"I have seen the tears you have cried, for yourself and for others. I have heard the prayers and groanings you have lifted for others."

“I am the LORD, and I kept you safe when you should have died. I am the LORD, who brought you to Bible school in a miraculous way. I am the LORD, I sent you to Friend Ships. I am the LORD, who saved just for you a Man after My own heart. I am the LORD, I picked out a wedding time and date just for you, and went before you in your wedded life. I am the LORD, I gave you 3 daughters to brighten your day. I am the LORD, I brought you to Pennsylvania. I used these friends to help you in your time of need. I am the LORD, I gave you a job and Help and my Comfort (aka Ezra Nehemiah) just in the nick of time! I am the LORD, who sent you to the Land of Misery, and protected your husband when he should have died. I am the LORD, I gave you a 4-month Sabbath Rest when you needed it most. I am the LORD, I sent you to a peaceful setting in Ohio and gave you a friend to love on (Sara). I am the LORD, I gave your kids  land to play on, and someone to love on (Adelee).

“One day I will come to take you home with Me. I have a home waiting for you. I am the LORD.”

I Hear a Voice...

Hi. My name is Rebekah, and on various occasions, I post on this...my blog.

A while back, I posted A Story I Never Told. It was good for me to get it off my chest. To let people see inside me and to get the word out that others are not alone.

Did you know that I still struggle? I still have really dark days where I just hate...myself...when I don't think I will ever get it right. Those days aren't an every day occurrence, but they do pop up more than I care to think about.

One such day, I was going to visit my friend (who by the way was one of the Top 50 for American Idol 2008, but never made it all the way), and I was listening to K-Love. I love listening to K-Love because my kids more often than not belt out these songs with AWESOME words that I wish I had pounded into my own brain when I was their age! A song came on by MercyMe called Greater.

Some phrases that stuck out to me (okay, smacked me in the face) were:

Every day I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I’m not right 

Every time I fall
There’ll be those who will call me
A mistake

When I heard these words, there was a kind of argument in my head. One voice kept saying that this song doesn't apply to me, because I don't know anyone who says this negativity to me. The other Voice said, "But you say it to and about yourself." 

Man!

I decided the Voice was right...and I listened to the rest of the song:

‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
In the world
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world

There’ll be no condemnation here
You are holy, righteous and redeemed

There’ll be days I lose the battle
Grace says that it doesn’t matter
‘Cause the cross already won the war
He’s Greater
He’s Greater

I am learning to run freely
Understanding just how He sees me
And it makes me love Him more and more
He’s Greater
He’s Greater

Holy, righteous and redeemed!

Holy - Set apart!

Righteous - clean!

Redeemed - PAID FOR!

Dude. Someone (with a capital 'S') thought me worthy enough to PAY my RANSOM! 

I am clean! Able to stand before God...ONLY because Jesus paid my ransom.

Dude.

And you know what makes my heart smile even more? My kids are hearing this song, and belt it out in the van whenever it comes on! May my kiddos never have to deal with their own voices in their heads calling them mistakes and failures... May they be reminded that they are holy, righteous and redeemed!

Just Take a Look at What God Has Given Me! October, 2014

 Shalom, age 7

Sassy pants, Anna, age 5 

 Oh nothing, just hanging around

 Anna in her tree

Ruthie, Diva with a 'Tude! 

Papa's in trouble!!!! 

 Josh definitely loves his kiddos!

Ezra, almost 4 

Nine and a half years later, this is still the one I adore! 

 Ruthie-Bear, age 8

Just take a look at what God has given me!!!!

Marriage - My Mind-Blowing Thoughts

Growing up, I felt I was close to my parents and sisters. I thought I knew all there was to know about them, and they knew everything about me. I was sure no one knew me better, and I knew them the best.

As time went on, I had many friends that I thought I knew…but have come to realize that I only knew what they would allow me to know. My best friend from age 14 ½ was Amy. We sent letters back and forth (total of eight days, 4 to get to her, and then back), and I was positive that I knew her better than anyone, and the same for her and me. We talked on the phone every Saturday night for at least an hour! It was a L.O.N.G. time before I realized that there might be a chance she could withhold anything from me. So naïve, eh?  My first roommate at Friend ships was Miriam. We lived together for a year, and it never crossed my mind that either of us withheld anything from each other…but we did.

Then God sent Josh into my life. From almost day one, the flood gates opened, and there was nothing that I hid from Josh. Every skeleton was introduced to Josh. If I could scare him away, it would have been then! We knew each others horror stories…and fell in love anyway! Amazingly, to me anyway, I find I am closer to Josh than any person on the planet. More than that, I find my parents and siblings – whom I thought I knew so well – are good friends, but not people with whom I share my every thought and process. Funny thing is, it is supposed to be that way!

In Ephesians, Paul mentions marriage as a great mystery, and likens the whole thing to our relationship with God. When I think of my relationship with God, I think of intimacy…God knows EVERYTHING about me, the small things, the big things, the hurts and joys, even before I can express them. God knew of my suicidal thoughts MONTHS before I was able to put them into words for Josh! To be so KNOW, and yet still loved, is incredibly overwhelming!

I am KNOWN…not just by God, but by my husband and I am loved by both as well. My mind is blown away by these thoughts!

By the way, Josh and I have been married 9.5 years this month! 

Catching up...

Last time I was able to post a blog-post, we were living in Millersburg, Ohio working at a Christian Camp and Retreat facility called Skyview Ranch. A lot has happened in the last year, that's for sure.

We were looking to move on from the Ranch. My sister and her husband had moved to a home near my parents, and I thought it would be a grand idea if God would move us back home. We started looking for jobs and applying where jobs seemed to suit Josh's skills and abilities. We needed a specific kind of reference for a job we had applied for, so I called our friend Jennifer.

She, of course was willing to help out, but then said, "I have a question for you."
 I said, "Okay..."
"How does a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom mobile home on 23 acres sound? With lots of wood..."
I cut her off and said, "Don't say another word...call Josh, I don't want to hear this and start dreaming!"

Jennifer called Josh. Long story short, her friends Stephen and Patty were going to be going to Germany as missionaries, and need someone to take care of their property and carry on their vision for the property. It fit our wants and desires for life...

We now live in Floyd County, VA!

God has been good to us. I can't wait to show you what all God has done for us.

FINALLY!

Well, I'm back! I haven't been able to sign in to blogspot in several months! I am back and God has been good to us! I can't wait to be able to share it with you!

Free Will, God's Sovereignty and What it has to do with My Marriage (Part 3)

Someone said, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

From November 1st to early January, I was away from Josh. We emailed back and forth for all those months. During that time, Josh realized he loved me. That email was one of the happiest days of my life!

In August, Josh and two of our friends and I went to Alaska. I was to meet his parents. We spent two weeks canoeing, hiking, seeing the sites. At one point, Josh was riding alone with his Dad. Josh told his Dad that he would like his parents approval of me as a wife.

He got that approval the day he left. <--------- b="">This is very important, because if his parents had not given their approval...I would not be married to Josh Larson, nor would I have a Ruth, Shalom, Anna or Ezra.


We were engaged at the end of August.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I could go on and on and tell you how much God has done from the day we got engaged to this very day...but I won't. Okay, I will, if you ask nicely.

The point of this whole 3 part blog - which I have never done before - is a response to the aforementioned blog. My response...no, Josh and I aren't soulmates. If Josh's parents had not given their approval, I would not be married to him today...a VERY scary thought for me.

Josh is my rock. I draw strength from his very presence. He is the reason we have such great kids...his insight into their character is awesome, and helps me know what to do with them, what characteristics to hone, and what attitudes are unsavory and need changed. He is my comfort, and my encouragement. His love is truly the wind beneath my wings.

A year ago on August 10th, I almost lost Josh. He was in a car accident...and, but for the Grace of God, he would be dead. I was given a taste of what life could have been like. Josh changed after that accident, and suddenly I - Rebekah Larson - had to be the strong one - not my strong suit.

While I would not say that God had only me and Josh set aside for each other, in hopes that some how we would find each other (the odds were completely against us, you know, Alaska and Ohio are 3,957 miles apart, you know), I will say...God knew we would get married, and He has huge plans for us (none Jer. 29:11 - of course. =P )! God took care of us, completely, in ways we could never have thought or imagined. (Ephesians 3:20)

Winter 2010/2011 - Josh was going thru a hard time. During that time, he often found himself humming this song, and thinking of me...

Free Will, God's Sovereignty and What it has to do with My Marriage (Part 2)

While in Bible School, I had been encouraged to write out a list of thing I was looking for in a husband. I made a Needs List and a Wants List.  I was ever on guard for the guy who might fill that list. Never found him while at Bible School.

In May of 2003, I had been working at Friend Ships for almost a year. I had just returned from my sister's wedding in Pennsylvania. There was a new crew member named Josh. I don't remember having any thoughts on his looks...but I DO have one memory from that month. I had been visiting my roommate in the Galley (kitchen), and saw a list of foods under the title "Josh Larson food allergies." Josh was allergic to  red meat (including moose and bear), pork, potatoes, tomatoes, all citrus and gluten. I distinctly remember saying, "Boy, I pity the woman who marries this guy!"

In late August, my friend and I were looking for someone with whom to play cards. I had the idea to ask Josh, who spent most of his time in his room. He joined us that nights, and for the net several nights. September found us playing cards...just Josh and I. We spent our evenings talking and finding out that we had a whole lot in common. Quite often, I would wait on the Quarter Deck playing Solitaire waiting to see if Josh would come up to play cards.

October found the crews of the Spirit of Grace and the Spirit working long hours in preparation for the Spirit of Grace to sail on its first voyage to Israel. We worked from 7a to 7p every day. After the supper dishes were washed, the evenings found Josh and I playing cards and hanging out. More talking, friendship blossoming nicely. While I looked for all the signs that Josh was my soulmate, I never found one. I only ever saw a friend for whom I cared deeply.

The week leading up to the Grace's departure found Rebekah crying often, for I was leaving with the ship, and Josh was staying in Lake Charles. I refused to lead the way into this, a relationship I deeply wanted. I wanted to be the second part of a couple with Josh, but so often in my life, I had taken the first step...a step not mine to take. So when Josh asked me why I was crying, my only response was "It's a girl thing."

Josh knew my favorite food was a Ruby Tuesdays Ribeye. Josh told me he wanted to take me out for steak before I left. I was excited, and left my shopping for the voyage for that evening...October 31st. I was excited all day long! As soon as the clock struck 7pm, I jumped into the shower. I dressed in a black shirt and some awesome pants. I put my hair half up, and went to knock on Josh's door.  I knocked...but there was no answer. The shower that Josh usually used was unoccupied, and I was confused. I went up to the quarter deck where I found Josh...eating supper...

Confusion is a funny word. Confusion and frustration mingled on my face, as my emotions always do. The answer was simple, and Josh was quick to give it. The job he was doing wasn't done, and he needed to finish it, or we would not have food on the way to Israel. He would be done by 9:30p. He mentioned still wanting to take me out for supper and my shopping trip...which I REALLY needed to go on, or I would not have soap or shampoo! =P

True to his word, Josh was off the Grace at 9:30p and we were off at 10p. I had changed out of my fanciness into a nasty yellow long sleeved t-shirt, and my hair was up in a pony-tail. We ate, and went to Walmart. After my shopping was done, and we were checking out, Josh had a goofy smirk on his face. I asked him what he was smiling at, and he smirked and said, "It's a boy thing, you wouldn't understand."

I knew he was mocking me, and so tried to explain to him that I really liked him. After five whole minutes of stuttering, I finally spit out, "It is like a rose. If you force it open, it won't be beautiful." To which Josh replied, "Some roses open faster than others..." and before I could guess what he meant, he went on to tell me that he thought we would make a good match...and that when I came back, he would like to announce a special relationship (a Friend Ships way of keeping everyone informed, rather than gossiping).

Neither Josh nor I ever would have said that God made us for each other. At the same time, I have no doubt that God was leading and guiding us in every way.

Free Will, God's Sovereignty and What it Has to do with My Marriage (Part 1)

My response to (neither proving nor disproving) the blog post "everyone" keeps sharing called "My Husband is not my Soulmate."

Back in the day...I read I Kissed Dating Good-Bye...and I did...I decided I wouldn't kiss till my wedding day. An easy thing to do when you have no prospects on the horizon, let me tell you.

Then one day (April 2000), it happened. I met a guy that fit my bill for marriage-able material. Can you believe it? God let me find a guy who was taller than me, loved God and had double-jointed thumbs. What can I say? I was shallow when I was in high school! I was actually out of high school when I met J...and it seemed to me that this relationship was what I had been looking for all my life. I wanted to kiss him, but remembered my vow...until the day two of my most trusted family members told me I was ridiculous for NOT kissing him. So I went back on my vow. And suddenly, a budding friendship turned into a kiss-a-thon. What had been a "beautiful and much prayed for thing" turned into a horrible mess. We broke up. I got the line "I can love you better as a friend than as a boyfriend or husband," and J walked out of my life completely one warm summer day, two months after the relationship began.

Heartbroken, thy name is Rebekah.

That Kind of Woman

We may not know their names, nor  even their faces...but they are there. They are the ones we forget to thank, for theirs is a thankless job. And quite honestly, they probably don't want our thanks...they want their husbands.

They could be the single Mom you saw shopping at Walmart. That woman you passed in the store, her face a mask hiding her loneliness. They are the women who cry when no one can comfort them. They are the women who have to be Mama and Daddy for lengths of time no one wants to think about.

Most of us can't fathom that kind of lonely, that kind of waiting.

They are Military Wives.

This song by Plumb makes me think of my sister. She IS that kind of woman. She is my hero. And she is doing a FANTASTIC job keeping the home fires burning.

Because Someone Might Find Encouragement

A friend asked me this on a facebook group, and I thought I would share:

I was just wondering what brought on the changes we've been seeing as of late? Were there any steps that you started with? Was this part of a plan?
Please, do tell!!!

Well...I have hated myself since going above 200#. My size has always been a major sore spot with me, and the depression (PPD and regular/clinical) seemed to compound things A LOT! I was always angry, and loud when it came to my kiddos. I wanted another Baby, figuring that would solve my problems (I will pause while you contain your laughter). My "problems" were emotional eating, plain ol' bad attitude towards life, frustration with myself, normal hormonal-ness...the list goes on, and on, and on etc...

My sister, Joanna, in a non-invasive kind of way posted a link on my wall for the exercise I am doing. She also included the encouragement, "This is something I think you could do." She posted it almost a month before I started it. One day, I was tired of myself. I had started my own form of the TSFL diet (using whey protein instead of soy and staying below 2000 calories, but above 1000 as the diet recommends), and I started losing weight. Since starting the "diet" on December 6th, I have bounced around in the same 10 pounds for almost 2 months now.

February 1st, I started with 25 jumping jacks. That's it. I felt like an idiot. Boy, did I feel like an idiot jumping around getting winded, and gasping for breath by the time I was done...but I did them. That same day, instead of dragging myself out of bed later than is acceptable, I went to bed early the night before, and got up at 7am. I had the house to myself...and I could look like an idiot to only me and God.

 

My scale says 222...not the 219 it said yesterday morning (after a 24 hr flu bug), but it doesn't say 230 either! And I am okay with that. I FEEL really good.  I am now on Day 22 of 60 days (stinking flu bug set me back almost 3 days). I FEEL better. I don't look smaller, but I feel smaller. I FEEL stronger. My energy is definitely up from being/feeling like a sloth! Josh says I feel smaller and stronger...and I am holding tightly to that as my encouragement. After doing 20 crunches and 20 leg lifts, I feel like I have Rock Star Abs, and for a couple hours, I fly on that high.

Is it easy? Not if I look ahead at what is expected of me.  If I look ahead, I see that in about a month and a half, I have to go jogging for an hour straight.  THAT SCARES ME. But if I look at today, I only have to do 50 jumping jacks and 25 crunches.  I can do that...because I have already done it in the last 20+ days! Sounds kind of like the Biblical principle, "Don't worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of its own."

 

A Story I Never Told...

I have kept a secret from most of you for just over six years now.

Six and a half years ago, God gave me a gift.  Her name is Ruth Elisabeth Larson.

Ruth Elisabeth

With Ruth, we became a family of three!

A grey cloud hung over this Mama's joy - thoughts interrupted her cuddle and almost awake times.  Dreams that no Mama should ever have about their beautiful gift from God.

As time wore on, the thoughts faded. Life moved on and it soon became apparent that God had another Gift in store for Josh and Rebekah!

Shalom Elkanah! 07-17-07

God  gave us our petite little bundle of Peace!  Shortly after God gave us Shalom, He moved us from Louisiana to Pennsylvania. A long journey for this Mama who was still recovering from a birth, and struggling to learn her place in the world of breastfeeding.  The grey cloud that had visited after Ruth's birth became a little greyer and stayed a little longer.  It would be two whole years before God added another gift to the family...more than enough time for the darker grey cloud to dissipate and be forgotten.

God was gracious to us, and gave us our little Anna Corinne. Within a week or two, it became apparent that this Mama's body was tired. I couldn't produce enough milk for my Baby Girl...and by 5 months -  months of being tired, feeling tied to a breastpump...and nursing...AND taking care of Anna's older sisters - we started Anna on formula.  I felt like I had been ripped off. The grey cloud got darker, and stayed longer.

The March after Anna (06-05-09) was born, I was pregnant. Life at our present ministry was VERY hard. Josh was crispy, I was kind of spacey... We took the month of June off. In August we knew the job was in limbo. September 23rd - at 7 months pregnant - we were jobless, and would have been homeless if not for friends at church. We moved into a friend's apartment on October 23rd, and Josh had a job!

Two days from my due date, two WEEKS before Ezra arrived.

And Ezra makes six!

Ezra Nehemiah was a healing balm to our hearts. He came at a time when we really needed God's Help and Comfort...and He gave us Ezra Nehemiah (his name means Help and Comfort of Jehovah).

A month after Ezra was born...a black cloud settled on my head and heart.  Thoughts no Mama should ever have took over my cuddle times.  Within no time at all, Josh had permission to carry and answer his cell phone at work (against the rules at this job). He worried constantly, wondering what he would find when he got home.

By the time Ezra was 10 months old, we had moved to Missouri. Before the month was out, I 'knew' that Josh was a better parent that I was, that the kids liked him better than me, and that I really wasn't needed at home anymore.  Of course this was completely false, but I could no longer fight the thoughts that overtook my brain. My family was better off without me...if only I weren't scared of what God would say if I did kill myself. That was the one thing that kept me from killing myself,  I - ever the people-pleaser - was scared of what God would say.

Please don't think that we didn't try many avenues to get through and around this depression that was my constant companion.  I tried herbs, I tried homeopathy (two totally different things, if you didn't know)... A year ago this Thursday, I started taking anti-depressants...feeling like I had again failed because I couldn't "heal myself with my own herbs."

After a while, I was well enough that I wanted off the meds.  Because I couldn't comprehend what I was reading, Josh read the book "The Mood Cure" for me.  The book taught us how to use the aforementioned herbs and supplements properly to correct the deficiencies in my body to heal the depression.

I stand here today, a whole woman, able to tell you my story...a story that, but for the Grace of God, could have ended QUITE differently. 

Songs that feed my Soul

Life has thrown us a curve ball or two.  I have known Joshua Larson for almost 10 years now. In the past 10 years MANY things have happened. The above song helped me thru the last curve ball. Not for A Moment by Meredith Andrews

This one too. Desert Song by Hillsong

This song is always good. It got me through a voyage across the sea. Remember, Danette and Debi? Blessed Be Your Name by Tree 63

One time, in Pennsylvania...I was able to cry and worship to this song:

 

O Come All Ye Faithful/O Holy Night

In Bible School, the following song could knock any doubts and fears from my mind!  The video doesn't do the song justice...and you haven't truly heard it until it is sung by the choir at NTBI led by J.P. Marr

O God our Help

One last song.  During a rough patch a couple years ago, Josh mentioned hearing a song often on the radio, and always thinking of me as it played. God Gave me You by Dave Barnes

Forever Friends

Josh and I were sitting on the couch talking about some friends...and it occurred to us that we have made many lifelong friendships over the years.  Though we live states and time zones apart, they are never far from our hearts!

• Jonathan ended up marrying my sister and giving me one of the most beautiful nieces ever!
• Jennifer is just a phone call away and would drop everything if need be.
• Mark and Jean are always praying.
• Claude and Sharon are always praying and sending their love to us in so many ways.
• Dale and Linda, Sid and Terry, Pastor Jim and Laura...always plugging away with the prayers.
• Dave and Brenda - always welcoming us in like family.
• Josh and Casey, always ready with conversations, laughter and encouragement.
• Andrew and Licia, prayers, wifin' lessons, encouragement about!
• Scott and Karen - prayers...always praying!
• Lacey - her door is always open, her heart always listening.

The above are just a few that stand out at the moment...but there are SO many more I could name.  Danette, Lindsay, Debi, Annette, Joe and Tracy, Joel and Dess, John and Beate, Matt and Sara, Steve and Marilyn, Marty and Susan...each of these names represents a piece of our hearts. We know them, we have loved them...and our lives have changed because we have known them.  These are our Forever Friends.

I feel like I should end this post with Michael W. Smith's song "Friends."

Instead, I will end with a verse that I always glossed over, because I heard and used it too much in youth group.

"A friend loveth at all times."  Proverbs 17:17a

These people have loved us and prayed us through the tough times.  They are encouragers, they are iron sharpening and honing us to be all God wants us to be!

The Way I See It...

Eight years ago, this past August, Josh honored me greatly by asking me to marry him. I was fabulously happy and immediately jumped into wedding plans.  Of course, the first thing I wanted out of Josh was a wedding date.  I chose the upcoming Thanksgiving - all my family was most likely to be there, and it would be perfect!  Josh talk to our parents who gave him conflicting ideas.  My family said, "Marry as soon as possible."  His parents said to wait a while.  Josh was quite confused...and so took the matter to God.  God said..."Don't think about it."  Wait...WHAT!?  I - a newly engaged woman - was not allowed to think about my wedding?  I reasoned within myself that God has only told JOSH not to think about it...not me.  So I looked at cakes, dresses, flowers...but Josh would just say, "yup, that's nice/pretty/whatever."  Then go back to what he had been doing.  He was doing his best NOT to think about our wedding.

I have no doubts my friends loved me, and wanted the best for me,  however, when talking to them, they were no help whatsoever.  So many times I heard the phrase, "Pick a date, and God will bless it.  He doesn't care WHEN you get married!"  The doubts definitely arose in my mind - do I trust Josh heard from God?  I know I probably pushed the issue with him more than once.  I also know that I cried many many tears.

One day in March, I was bemoaning the idea of Joanna being stationed in England.  Josh and I had been engaged seven months with no sign of a wedding in sight.  I went to complain about Joanna's orders to Josh...and instead of asking me what was wrong...he told me he needed to spend some time with God.  Boy did I get angry at him.  At least one door was slammed that day on the ship!  Finally, I hear Josh moving around in the galley (kitchen to you land folk), and I went to see him.  I put my head in the middle of his back and said, "Wouldn't it be nice if God said we could get married Memorial Weekend (the next possible time all of my family would be together before Joanna moved to England)!"  Josh turned around and asked, "Why couldn't we get married?"

I turned to him with hot angry tears in my eyes and told him that he knew as well as I did that we couldn't get married until God said we could!  He smiled his half smile and said, "God said we can get married!"  Not only that...we got married 6 weeks later!

Did I think Josh was crazy to wait on getting married?  Yup.  That was why I went ahead and drooled over dresses, and "planned" to my hearts content.  Did anything I originally planned for my wedding come to pass?  Nope.  I didn't spend a couple hundred at David's Bridal - my Mom made my dress instead (in 6 hrs one week before the wedding)!  Did I get a cake decorated with fresh Gerber Daisies?  Nope... A friend of my Mom's made us a 3 tiered cheesecake wedding cake...it had daisies, gerber daisies and tulips on it!

My wedding cake

My sister Joanna, and my Grandma were my bridesmaids.  I picked out a general color, and they found their own style of dress to match the color.

Miriam and Joanna

My wedding was not the "Wedding of my Dreams."  My wedding was the jumping off point of my life permanently at Josh's side.  Being "joint heirs in the grace of life," I have to choose to follow what Josh decided even when it doesn't make sense.  Did I agree with the idea of not thinking about out wedding date?  HECK NO!  I hated it.  But I survived...and I have memories of how God totally provided what we needed at the time we needed it.

Today...I am still faced with the choice.  Do I follow Josh and trust that he and God know what they are doing?  Or do I make life miserable "because the answer is OBVIOUS?"  So far...I have made life miserable.  It isn't changing anything.  I think it is time for me to accept that I don't have to understand, and trust that God knows what He is doing...and I don't have to...and that is okay.


We were such young pups, weren't we?  =D

Canning as a Family

This is my tribute to SarahK...

All three girls helped cut apples.

One bushel of apples...three pans to cook them down...

Josh ran the strainer...by this point, Ruth and Anna gave up on the process.

Shalom was 'mostly' there...

My handsome hunk of Man Flesh...without him, no canning would be done in this house.

Seven jars in one sink.

By the time we were done canning for the day, we had filled our sink 3 times with jars to wash and sterilize.  Also by the time we were done canning...I was to tired to take pictures, so you don't get to see the end result - 20 jars of  applesauce.  With the girls help, the cutting time flew by, and it only took us 4 hrs to can 20 jars of sauce.

Back from the Dead

I have been told that when paramedics come upon an accident like this...they look for a pulse, never expecting to find one.

God is so amazing, people.  "Somehow" Josh survived this wreck.

Had Josh remained in his seat...Well, you can see for yourself.

"Somehow" Josh ended up NOT sitting on his seat.  He ended up with his head on the steering wheel...and his body under the steering wheel.  But get this - Josh's van tipped on it's right side when it ran into the tree...Josh SHOULD have fallen towards the passenger seat.

This is Josh's blood from above his left eye.  His body ended up crammed under the steering wheel...by the brake pedal.  If the van was tilted on it's right side when it rammed into a tree...how on EARTH did Josh end up on the extreme opposite side of the vehicle?

Who knew the gigantic Larson head could fit into a 6.5 inch space?!?!?!?

Pray for us.  The girls are doing well coping, and emoting.  Pray as I process the accident, and love on Josh as he heals.  Pray for Josh as he heals and gets back to work.  One of the guys from the accident is angry and totally blames Josh.  Pray that Josh can show the Boys who God is and what He is going to do thru this mess!

My Miracle - Josh Larson

Josh pointing to where his head was when the van stopped.  His body was under the steering wheel.

Josh's head was tucked into that spot where his hand is measuring the distance from the wheel to the top of the van.  Six and a half inches.

Had Josh been sitting back in the seat...I, Rebekah Larson would be a widow.

Don't ask me where the angels were sitting...God is probably gonna have to send in replacements and give the originals a sabbatical or something!

My wonderful Miracle!  <3 nbsp="nbsp" td="td">

 Can you find his wounds?  Can you see where he is hurt?  Yeah...Me neither.  God STILL has a plan for my Joshua.

I Got a Call Today...

It went something like this...

"Rebekah, this is M. Um, I just wanted to let you know that Josh was in an accident, and is on his way to the ER in B______...But he is okay, they just want to check him out."

This is heart STOPPING news to hear in the middle of a school day.  My girls were busily cutting up paper to send some shapes in a care package to their favorite Uncle Jothanan to take with him when he goes away to "keep us safe."  In the middle of hearts and squares and little teeny tiny pieces of paper being cut up all over my kitchen table, and the reading of the end of Dr. Doolittle...this call came to me.  Dr. Doolittle is still on the floor where it fell.

My kitchen table and the floor below it...just as I left it at 4pm today.

There are not words to describe how I felt when I heard the news.  Really, aside from a huge adrenaline rush which left me shaking, I didn't feel anything.  I was practically a pickle - I mean, as cool as a cucumber.  Only one other time have I felt this vague numbness that won't let me feel true emotion...and that was when I was on the Spirit of Grace in Sept of 2005, riding out Hurricane Rita with Josh and a handful of others.  I truly believe God allowed me to hold it together...and He did that so I could be brave for my kiddos who were worried about their Papa-Bear!

Shalom - just like her Mama normally would - burst into tears several times worried about her Papa.
Ruth - she had LOTS of questions she needed answers to...which I couldn't answer.
Anna - well, Anna is our little songbird.  She LOVES to sing anytime, anywhere, about anything.  Anna started singing, "When he gets home, I'm gonna hug him....oh when he gets home, I'm gonna hug him. Then he will feel better when I hug him when we get home!!!"  (some random tune that could only be heard in her head.)
Ezra...well...he had no clue whatsoever. He just knew he had to get his shoes on and go see Marty and Susan for several hours.

Going to the ER- which my Mom wisely counseled me to go without kids - was hard.  I had a 40 minute drive.  I took Selah with me.  I cranked Selah.  REALLY loud.

Something about the words:  "When I feel like I can't go on, You deliver me" and "When the road is winding way too long, You deliver me" 100% soothed my heart.  (Click link to watch Selah sing this song.)

I have my Josh sleeping next to me while I type this.  He is here, banged and bruised, but alive and sleeping.  I thank God for the sound of Josh's breathing, and the chance to again watch his chest rise and fall.

After all, what is a girl without her Hero?  =)

Another Verse

My girls frequently ask me to play/sing the National Anthem for them.  They love the song, and they know that the military fights to keep us safe (especially their Uncle Jonathan!  =D).  We were at an airport last May and we saw a bunch of Airmen who had just returned from Afghanistan.  They were eating at the same restaurant we were, and Ruth said, "Mama, can I go thank them for fighting to keep me safe?"  She chickened out, but it warmed my heart that she would think to thank these men who went thru things I can't imagine to keep my family safe.

While perusing youtube for the National Anthem, we ran across this video: