Eight
years ago, this past August, Josh honored me greatly by asking me to
marry him. I was fabulously happy and immediately jumped into wedding
plans. Of course, the first thing I wanted out of Josh was a wedding
date. I chose the upcoming Thanksgiving - all my family was most likely
to be there, and it would be perfect! Josh talk to our parents who
gave him conflicting ideas. My family said, "Marry as soon as
possible." His parents said to wait a while. Josh was quite
confused...and so took the matter to God. God said..."Don't think about
it." Wait...WHAT!? I - a newly engaged woman - was not allowed to
think about my wedding? I reasoned within myself that God has only told
JOSH not to think about it...not me. So I looked at cakes, dresses,
flowers...but Josh would just say, "yup, that's nice/pretty/whatever."
Then go back to what he had been doing. He was doing his best NOT to
think about our wedding.
I have no doubts my friends loved me, and wanted the best for me, however, when talking to them, they were no help whatsoever. So many times I heard the phrase, "Pick a date, and God will bless it. He doesn't care WHEN you get married!" The doubts definitely arose in my mind - do I trust Josh heard from God? I know I probably pushed the issue with him more than once. I also know that I cried many many tears.
One day in March, I was bemoaning the idea of Joanna being stationed in England. Josh and I had been engaged seven months with no sign of a wedding in sight. I went to complain about Joanna's orders to Josh...and instead of asking me what was wrong...he told me he needed to spend some time with God. Boy did I get angry at him. At least one door was slammed that day on the ship! Finally, I hear Josh moving around in the galley (kitchen to you land folk), and I went to see him. I put my head in the middle of his back and said, "Wouldn't it be nice if God said we could get married Memorial Weekend (the next possible time all of my family would be together before Joanna moved to England)!" Josh turned around and asked, "Why couldn't we get married?"
I turned to him with hot angry tears in my eyes and told him that he knew as well as I did that we couldn't get married until God said we could! He smiled his half smile and said, "God said we can get married!" Not only that...we got married 6 weeks later!
Did I think Josh was crazy to wait on getting married? Yup. That was why I went ahead and drooled over dresses, and "planned" to my hearts content. Did anything I originally planned for my wedding come to pass? Nope. I didn't spend a couple hundred at David's Bridal - my Mom made my dress instead (in 6 hrs one week before the wedding)! Did I get a cake decorated with fresh Gerber Daisies? Nope... A friend of my Mom's made us a 3 tiered cheesecake wedding cake...it had daisies, gerber daisies and tulips on it!
My sister Joanna, and my Grandma were my bridesmaids. I picked out a general color, and they found their own style of dress to match the color.
My wedding was not the "Wedding of my Dreams." My wedding was the jumping off point of my life permanently at Josh's side. Being "joint heirs in the grace of life," I have to choose to follow what Josh decided even when it doesn't make sense. Did I agree with the idea of not thinking about out wedding date? HECK NO! I hated it. But I survived...and I have memories of how God totally provided what we needed at the time we needed it.
Today...I am still faced with the choice. Do I follow Josh and trust that he and God know what they are doing? Or do I make life miserable "because the answer is OBVIOUS?" So far...I have made life miserable. It isn't changing anything. I think it is time for me to accept that I don't have to understand, and trust that God knows what He is doing...and I don't have to...and that is okay.
We were such young pups, weren't we? =D
I have no doubts my friends loved me, and wanted the best for me, however, when talking to them, they were no help whatsoever. So many times I heard the phrase, "Pick a date, and God will bless it. He doesn't care WHEN you get married!" The doubts definitely arose in my mind - do I trust Josh heard from God? I know I probably pushed the issue with him more than once. I also know that I cried many many tears.
One day in March, I was bemoaning the idea of Joanna being stationed in England. Josh and I had been engaged seven months with no sign of a wedding in sight. I went to complain about Joanna's orders to Josh...and instead of asking me what was wrong...he told me he needed to spend some time with God. Boy did I get angry at him. At least one door was slammed that day on the ship! Finally, I hear Josh moving around in the galley (kitchen to you land folk), and I went to see him. I put my head in the middle of his back and said, "Wouldn't it be nice if God said we could get married Memorial Weekend (the next possible time all of my family would be together before Joanna moved to England)!" Josh turned around and asked, "Why couldn't we get married?"
I turned to him with hot angry tears in my eyes and told him that he knew as well as I did that we couldn't get married until God said we could! He smiled his half smile and said, "God said we can get married!" Not only that...we got married 6 weeks later!
Did I think Josh was crazy to wait on getting married? Yup. That was why I went ahead and drooled over dresses, and "planned" to my hearts content. Did anything I originally planned for my wedding come to pass? Nope. I didn't spend a couple hundred at David's Bridal - my Mom made my dress instead (in 6 hrs one week before the wedding)! Did I get a cake decorated with fresh Gerber Daisies? Nope... A friend of my Mom's made us a 3 tiered cheesecake wedding cake...it had daisies, gerber daisies and tulips on it!
My wedding cake
My sister Joanna, and my Grandma were my bridesmaids. I picked out a general color, and they found their own style of dress to match the color.
Miriam and Joanna
My wedding was not the "Wedding of my Dreams." My wedding was the jumping off point of my life permanently at Josh's side. Being "joint heirs in the grace of life," I have to choose to follow what Josh decided even when it doesn't make sense. Did I agree with the idea of not thinking about out wedding date? HECK NO! I hated it. But I survived...and I have memories of how God totally provided what we needed at the time we needed it.
Today...I am still faced with the choice. Do I follow Josh and trust that he and God know what they are doing? Or do I make life miserable "because the answer is OBVIOUS?" So far...I have made life miserable. It isn't changing anything. I think it is time for me to accept that I don't have to understand, and trust that God knows what He is doing...and I don't have to...and that is okay.
We were such young pups, weren't we? =D
1 comment:
You still are young pups!
Hi there! I was thinking about you and though I'd drop in and see if you've updated. Sho' 'nuf!
Hang in there as you learn and grow. Don't be to hard on yourself; guilt can kill you. Here is a quote that I've been meditating on for... months!
"God, I will always fail if You leave me on my own. Its up to you to keep me from falling and heal what is wrong within me." Brother Lawrence.
So, in realizing there is something 'wrong' with you, I encourage you to acknowledge it (you've done that) and take the next step. One step at a time. One day at a time. He will keep you from failing as you learn to lean into Him; and He will heal the wrong that is in you - and in me, praise God! Thats His business, His specialty! He is good. And He loves you. He love you so very much! More than you know! May He reveal to your heart His love...
Love you, friend!
PS - remember... "Joint heirs of the GRACE of life." Isn't grace wonderful!
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