That Kind of Woman

We may not know their names, nor  even their faces...but they are there. They are the ones we forget to thank, for theirs is a thankless job. And quite honestly, they probably don't want our thanks...they want their husbands.

They could be the single Mom you saw shopping at Walmart. That woman you passed in the store, her face a mask hiding her loneliness. They are the women who cry when no one can comfort them. They are the women who have to be Mama and Daddy for lengths of time no one wants to think about.

Most of us can't fathom that kind of lonely, that kind of waiting.

They are Military Wives.

This song by Plumb makes me think of my sister. She IS that kind of woman. She is my hero. And she is doing a FANTASTIC job keeping the home fires burning.

Because Someone Might Find Encouragement

A friend asked me this on a facebook group, and I thought I would share:

I was just wondering what brought on the changes we've been seeing as of late? Were there any steps that you started with? Was this part of a plan?
Please, do tell!!!

Well...I have hated myself since going above 200#. My size has always been a major sore spot with me, and the depression (PPD and regular/clinical) seemed to compound things A LOT! I was always angry, and loud when it came to my kiddos. I wanted another Baby, figuring that would solve my problems (I will pause while you contain your laughter). My "problems" were emotional eating, plain ol' bad attitude towards life, frustration with myself, normal hormonal-ness...the list goes on, and on, and on etc...

My sister, Joanna, in a non-invasive kind of way posted a link on my wall for the exercise I am doing. She also included the encouragement, "This is something I think you could do." She posted it almost a month before I started it. One day, I was tired of myself. I had started my own form of the TSFL diet (using whey protein instead of soy and staying below 2000 calories, but above 1000 as the diet recommends), and I started losing weight. Since starting the "diet" on December 6th, I have bounced around in the same 10 pounds for almost 2 months now.

February 1st, I started with 25 jumping jacks. That's it. I felt like an idiot. Boy, did I feel like an idiot jumping around getting winded, and gasping for breath by the time I was done...but I did them. That same day, instead of dragging myself out of bed later than is acceptable, I went to bed early the night before, and got up at 7am. I had the house to myself...and I could look like an idiot to only me and God.

 

My scale says 222...not the 219 it said yesterday morning (after a 24 hr flu bug), but it doesn't say 230 either! And I am okay with that. I FEEL really good.  I am now on Day 22 of 60 days (stinking flu bug set me back almost 3 days). I FEEL better. I don't look smaller, but I feel smaller. I FEEL stronger. My energy is definitely up from being/feeling like a sloth! Josh says I feel smaller and stronger...and I am holding tightly to that as my encouragement. After doing 20 crunches and 20 leg lifts, I feel like I have Rock Star Abs, and for a couple hours, I fly on that high.

Is it easy? Not if I look ahead at what is expected of me.  If I look ahead, I see that in about a month and a half, I have to go jogging for an hour straight.  THAT SCARES ME. But if I look at today, I only have to do 50 jumping jacks and 25 crunches.  I can do that...because I have already done it in the last 20+ days! Sounds kind of like the Biblical principle, "Don't worry about tomorrow, for today has enough trouble of its own."

 

A Story I Never Told...

I have kept a secret from most of you for just over six years now.

Six and a half years ago, God gave me a gift.  Her name is Ruth Elisabeth Larson.

Ruth Elisabeth

With Ruth, we became a family of three!

A grey cloud hung over this Mama's joy - thoughts interrupted her cuddle and almost awake times.  Dreams that no Mama should ever have about their beautiful gift from God.

As time wore on, the thoughts faded. Life moved on and it soon became apparent that God had another Gift in store for Josh and Rebekah!

Shalom Elkanah! 07-17-07

God  gave us our petite little bundle of Peace!  Shortly after God gave us Shalom, He moved us from Louisiana to Pennsylvania. A long journey for this Mama who was still recovering from a birth, and struggling to learn her place in the world of breastfeeding.  The grey cloud that had visited after Ruth's birth became a little greyer and stayed a little longer.  It would be two whole years before God added another gift to the family...more than enough time for the darker grey cloud to dissipate and be forgotten.

God was gracious to us, and gave us our little Anna Corinne. Within a week or two, it became apparent that this Mama's body was tired. I couldn't produce enough milk for my Baby Girl...and by 5 months -  months of being tired, feeling tied to a breastpump...and nursing...AND taking care of Anna's older sisters - we started Anna on formula.  I felt like I had been ripped off. The grey cloud got darker, and stayed longer.

The March after Anna (06-05-09) was born, I was pregnant. Life at our present ministry was VERY hard. Josh was crispy, I was kind of spacey... We took the month of June off. In August we knew the job was in limbo. September 23rd - at 7 months pregnant - we were jobless, and would have been homeless if not for friends at church. We moved into a friend's apartment on October 23rd, and Josh had a job!

Two days from my due date, two WEEKS before Ezra arrived.

And Ezra makes six!

Ezra Nehemiah was a healing balm to our hearts. He came at a time when we really needed God's Help and Comfort...and He gave us Ezra Nehemiah (his name means Help and Comfort of Jehovah).

A month after Ezra was born...a black cloud settled on my head and heart.  Thoughts no Mama should ever have took over my cuddle times.  Within no time at all, Josh had permission to carry and answer his cell phone at work (against the rules at this job). He worried constantly, wondering what he would find when he got home.

By the time Ezra was 10 months old, we had moved to Missouri. Before the month was out, I 'knew' that Josh was a better parent that I was, that the kids liked him better than me, and that I really wasn't needed at home anymore.  Of course this was completely false, but I could no longer fight the thoughts that overtook my brain. My family was better off without me...if only I weren't scared of what God would say if I did kill myself. That was the one thing that kept me from killing myself,  I - ever the people-pleaser - was scared of what God would say.

Please don't think that we didn't try many avenues to get through and around this depression that was my constant companion.  I tried herbs, I tried homeopathy (two totally different things, if you didn't know)... A year ago this Thursday, I started taking anti-depressants...feeling like I had again failed because I couldn't "heal myself with my own herbs."

After a while, I was well enough that I wanted off the meds.  Because I couldn't comprehend what I was reading, Josh read the book "The Mood Cure" for me.  The book taught us how to use the aforementioned herbs and supplements properly to correct the deficiencies in my body to heal the depression.

I stand here today, a whole woman, able to tell you my story...a story that, but for the Grace of God, could have ended QUITE differently. 

Songs that feed my Soul

Life has thrown us a curve ball or two.  I have known Joshua Larson for almost 10 years now. In the past 10 years MANY things have happened. The above song helped me thru the last curve ball. Not for A Moment by Meredith Andrews

This one too. Desert Song by Hillsong

This song is always good. It got me through a voyage across the sea. Remember, Danette and Debi? Blessed Be Your Name by Tree 63

One time, in Pennsylvania...I was able to cry and worship to this song:

 

O Come All Ye Faithful/O Holy Night

In Bible School, the following song could knock any doubts and fears from my mind!  The video doesn't do the song justice...and you haven't truly heard it until it is sung by the choir at NTBI led by J.P. Marr

O God our Help

One last song.  During a rough patch a couple years ago, Josh mentioned hearing a song often on the radio, and always thinking of me as it played. God Gave me You by Dave Barnes

Forever Friends

Josh and I were sitting on the couch talking about some friends...and it occurred to us that we have made many lifelong friendships over the years.  Though we live states and time zones apart, they are never far from our hearts!

• Jonathan ended up marrying my sister and giving me one of the most beautiful nieces ever!
• Jennifer is just a phone call away and would drop everything if need be.
• Mark and Jean are always praying.
• Claude and Sharon are always praying and sending their love to us in so many ways.
• Dale and Linda, Sid and Terry, Pastor Jim and Laura...always plugging away with the prayers.
• Dave and Brenda - always welcoming us in like family.
• Josh and Casey, always ready with conversations, laughter and encouragement.
• Andrew and Licia, prayers, wifin' lessons, encouragement about!
• Scott and Karen - prayers...always praying!
• Lacey - her door is always open, her heart always listening.

The above are just a few that stand out at the moment...but there are SO many more I could name.  Danette, Lindsay, Debi, Annette, Joe and Tracy, Joel and Dess, John and Beate, Matt and Sara, Steve and Marilyn, Marty and Susan...each of these names represents a piece of our hearts. We know them, we have loved them...and our lives have changed because we have known them.  These are our Forever Friends.

I feel like I should end this post with Michael W. Smith's song "Friends."

Instead, I will end with a verse that I always glossed over, because I heard and used it too much in youth group.

"A friend loveth at all times."  Proverbs 17:17a

These people have loved us and prayed us through the tough times.  They are encouragers, they are iron sharpening and honing us to be all God wants us to be!

The Way I See It...

Eight years ago, this past August, Josh honored me greatly by asking me to marry him. I was fabulously happy and immediately jumped into wedding plans.  Of course, the first thing I wanted out of Josh was a wedding date.  I chose the upcoming Thanksgiving - all my family was most likely to be there, and it would be perfect!  Josh talk to our parents who gave him conflicting ideas.  My family said, "Marry as soon as possible."  His parents said to wait a while.  Josh was quite confused...and so took the matter to God.  God said..."Don't think about it."  Wait...WHAT!?  I - a newly engaged woman - was not allowed to think about my wedding?  I reasoned within myself that God has only told JOSH not to think about it...not me.  So I looked at cakes, dresses, flowers...but Josh would just say, "yup, that's nice/pretty/whatever."  Then go back to what he had been doing.  He was doing his best NOT to think about our wedding.

I have no doubts my friends loved me, and wanted the best for me,  however, when talking to them, they were no help whatsoever.  So many times I heard the phrase, "Pick a date, and God will bless it.  He doesn't care WHEN you get married!"  The doubts definitely arose in my mind - do I trust Josh heard from God?  I know I probably pushed the issue with him more than once.  I also know that I cried many many tears.

One day in March, I was bemoaning the idea of Joanna being stationed in England.  Josh and I had been engaged seven months with no sign of a wedding in sight.  I went to complain about Joanna's orders to Josh...and instead of asking me what was wrong...he told me he needed to spend some time with God.  Boy did I get angry at him.  At least one door was slammed that day on the ship!  Finally, I hear Josh moving around in the galley (kitchen to you land folk), and I went to see him.  I put my head in the middle of his back and said, "Wouldn't it be nice if God said we could get married Memorial Weekend (the next possible time all of my family would be together before Joanna moved to England)!"  Josh turned around and asked, "Why couldn't we get married?"

I turned to him with hot angry tears in my eyes and told him that he knew as well as I did that we couldn't get married until God said we could!  He smiled his half smile and said, "God said we can get married!"  Not only that...we got married 6 weeks later!

Did I think Josh was crazy to wait on getting married?  Yup.  That was why I went ahead and drooled over dresses, and "planned" to my hearts content.  Did anything I originally planned for my wedding come to pass?  Nope.  I didn't spend a couple hundred at David's Bridal - my Mom made my dress instead (in 6 hrs one week before the wedding)!  Did I get a cake decorated with fresh Gerber Daisies?  Nope... A friend of my Mom's made us a 3 tiered cheesecake wedding cake...it had daisies, gerber daisies and tulips on it!

My wedding cake

My sister Joanna, and my Grandma were my bridesmaids.  I picked out a general color, and they found their own style of dress to match the color.

Miriam and Joanna

My wedding was not the "Wedding of my Dreams."  My wedding was the jumping off point of my life permanently at Josh's side.  Being "joint heirs in the grace of life," I have to choose to follow what Josh decided even when it doesn't make sense.  Did I agree with the idea of not thinking about out wedding date?  HECK NO!  I hated it.  But I survived...and I have memories of how God totally provided what we needed at the time we needed it.

Today...I am still faced with the choice.  Do I follow Josh and trust that he and God know what they are doing?  Or do I make life miserable "because the answer is OBVIOUS?"  So far...I have made life miserable.  It isn't changing anything.  I think it is time for me to accept that I don't have to understand, and trust that God knows what He is doing...and I don't have to...and that is okay.


We were such young pups, weren't we?  =D

Canning as a Family

This is my tribute to SarahK...

All three girls helped cut apples.

One bushel of apples...three pans to cook them down...

Josh ran the strainer...by this point, Ruth and Anna gave up on the process.

Shalom was 'mostly' there...

My handsome hunk of Man Flesh...without him, no canning would be done in this house.

Seven jars in one sink.

By the time we were done canning for the day, we had filled our sink 3 times with jars to wash and sterilize.  Also by the time we were done canning...I was to tired to take pictures, so you don't get to see the end result - 20 jars of  applesauce.  With the girls help, the cutting time flew by, and it only took us 4 hrs to can 20 jars of sauce.